Makes you blush. ; )

Then when you think about approaching him your monkey mind does everything in its power to convince you to hold back and not go over to him, or even think about leaving all together?

Or you’re the perpetual nervous and shy ‘Wall Flower’ standing against the wall alone and you fold, clam up, or pack up and leave every time someone approaches you?

What would it be like to be a self-starter?

When you create that easy and flowing connection between you and that other guy it opens up the channels for more, and more communication.

A reciprocation of energy.

Guys? I’ve been there, trust me. Actually I stuttered and got cold sweats every time someone approached me, let alone never thought about approaching someone else to start a conversation.

I would do anything and everything just to leave and avoid conversations with guys. I would even create a way to duck out. Completely unnoticed.

Maybe you’ve thought about approaching some really big challenges in your life like when it comes to meeting men. Like getting out more, changing how you’re meeting men or how you settle when it comes the guys you’re meeting, but every time you make any attempts, you fold and give up.

Well, there is something quite transformational and super life shifting when you can take any kind of opportunity and say YES to it now no matter how scary or threatening it may feel.

Quite truthfully, by saying YES, this creates an incredible ripple effect in other areas of your life. It really loosens things up so to speak.

The best way I can describe this to you is through my own life example. With the energy of a new year and all of the possibilities it brings, I was confronted with my heart whispering to me over and over again: You’re Hiding.

I could have either let it go, ignore that voice, or choose to listen and really hear what my heart meant, and was telling me, by that ongoing thought: You’re Hiding.

I chose to listen and explore. As scary as it was, I did it.  It’s OK. I’m going to clear something up for you. We are not born effective communicators or studs or great conversationalists. It’s a skill.

A skill that needs to be developed and honed. It’s absolutely doable at any age in one’s life.

Start getting curious at where it is in your life you might be hiding when it comes to meeting guys, dating and talking to men. Is there one thing you can do right NOW, like, let’s say, approach one guy this week and simply start a conversation with him? Do some research and Find out where the kind of guys you want to date, hang out.

Your friend,

Greg Halpen

www.TheGayGuysLoveCoach.com

I recently spoke with a guy who claims that finding love is too hard, and with a *sigh*, he said, “I’ll have to resort to escorts.

Personally, I believe you know. You know what your options are. I really think you believe in the fairytale ending too, but somewhere along the trip you’ve squashed the dream way down underneath all your pain. Sometimes you even get a glimpse of what it might look like being with a wonderful man, expressing your love, in a committed monogamous relationship, right?

Why do we settle? Well, my idea is, you settle, because you view yourself as not being good enough. Your self-esteem is low and you’ll do whatever it takes to seek the love that you desire. Now, think about this. What if I said that your self-esteem is actually very strong and all you need to do is look within and tap into that resource? I know, I’m starting to sound all woo-woo, but my point is, finding love with another person starts when you find love with in yourself.

“Would you do whatever it took to seek the love within yourself – that love which you desire from another?” – GH

Another theory I have, is when you settle, you’re working so hard at seeking acceptance from another person, that you will do almost anything to attain it, like compromise your values and requirements that are essential for a healthy relationship, but in reality, you’re really trying to accept yourself – for who you are -you just don’t know it yet.

Take a moment, clear some space in your day, sit down and start getting curious about where you might be settling in your life? Does your job’s salary not match your talents and dedication? Does your boyfriend play around with other men; you’re accepting of it, when deep down inside, it’s not ok. Are you putting off starting your own business, because you think it’s just a pipe dream and you’ll never do it for whatever reason?

5 Clues To Why You Are Settling

Now it’s time to take a stance, and tell yourself that you are done settling; all done. I believe in you. Well, let me give you 5 Clues to Why You’re Settling. They will help you recognize when it’s happening, so you can say, I’m Done!

1. You’ve claimed the, “I’m always meeting the wrong guy”, Ticket. Actually, you meet so many “wrong guys” that, from here on out you will continue to do so until you start recognizing what is so off about the men you meet. Importantly, what’s going on in yourself to attract men, who are not up to your standards?

After all, we attract who we are.

2.You’ve designed the perfect man (in your head) and when you go out and try to find him, you blame the world that there aren’t any good men left. Guys, let’s face it. We’re guys and for the most part, when we envision the man we want to spend our days with, we can go little above and beyond what’s truly realistic.

Take a deep and close look at the man of your dreams and check in to see if it’s based on reality or a yearning or an feeling of emptiness.

3.You’re not over your last relationship. So, you’re with someone new and you thought you’ve found Mr. Right again, but after some time, you start comparing it to your last relationship, because you believed he was your one true love. Your current partner is sensing that and is starting to pull away from you, because he sees you are not in it 100%. Just know you can fall in love many times over. Each time is true and first. Stop settling by believing that you will never find true love again…you will.

4. I’m moody and that’s just the way I am. Well, how many guys have been put off by your mood swings? Remember, you are not your moods and you might want to do some self-reflecting to begin to understand why it is you’re so hostile. Stop settling, by not living your life in anger and pain and start releasing whatever emotional turmoil you are going through. You and everyone around you will love you for it.

5. You haven’t loved the wounded little boy enough. Do you cringe when you think about being around other gay guys? You walk you walk into a room filled with gay men, and you panic and become anxious. There is a reason for that, and it has nothing to do with the men in that room. It has to do with you. Once you start forming a bond with that hurt little boy inside you and start asking him what he needs, your confidence will soar.

That’s why single gay men come to me, because they are ready to commit to NOT settling anymore in any area of their lives, especially LOVE. Love is a gift, a gift we all hold, and once you can let go of the settling, you will then be able to unleash your love and be loved in return.

Greg Halpen, The Gay Guy’s Love Coach, is a recognized speaker, mentor and expert dating coach for single gay men. He takes a “heart-based” approach to teaching single gay men how to build unstoppable confidence, meet and approach men and importantly, build a strong connection with their one TRUE love…THEMSELVES.

Pass it on: Know someone who could benefit from this article or his FREE weekly Naked Truth About Dating Podcast, Newsletter and Special report? http://www.TheGayGuysLovecoach.com

Guys, I’m sure by now you’ve reached the end of your limit with all of the pressure to follow through with making 2010 a better year for your life.

The problem is, the higher the expectation, the more pressure there is to perform and following through with making 2010 your best year in love. And when you don’t follow through there’s some self-butt kicking, right?

Does that sound like you?

That is the biggest reason why you don’t follow through with the promises you make for the coming year. Hey, maybe you focus so much on the fact that you’ve tried your darnedest to find Mr. Wonderful and settle down. You’ve put yourself on the line so many times (more times than you care to count) only to get let down once again- that you’ve become, perhaps…a little jaded?

It’s ok. You can admit it. Really, it’s ok.

I used to be as jaded as they come. Oh, sure, my exterior showed a happy-go-lucky kid, but what lurked deep down inside would make you crawl under a rock and never come out. Gratefully today, I am that happy-go-lucky kid I was meant to be. The kid who was always there waiting to shine.

Well, guys, you know you can have more for yourself when it comes to falling in love? You can have your cake and eat it too when it comes to building a life with the guy of your dreams? AND I know you can’t help making those new year resolutions, because it’s a way to keep you accountable for bettering your life. Hey, it’s ok – nothing wrong with that!

What will make it easier for you to fulfill your promises?

Ok, to help you out in a big way, a loving way, I am going to share with you Three HUGE Secrets with Tips that will help you let go of expectations and REALLY make 2010 your absolute best year ever in life and LOVE.

You’ll certainly want to apply these strategies in your life right away, because I even give you examples of how to implement them, and taking such action will start to melt away the pressure to be perfect.

1. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Start with ONE significant change that you would like to see happen in your love life and map it out in small portions.

Tip: Maybe you want to acquire a more positive attitude around dating. So, a small step might look like taking a good look at how you view dating and relationships and write about it OR that might mean taking my Single Gay Guy’s Dating Integrity Bootcamp where you’ll get personal attention and support with changing your attitude towards love and relationships.

Maybe you want to take a different approach to how you are meeting men. Get better at starting and engaging in conversations with men. If your excuse is, “your too shy”, you are doing yourself a disservice by not taking the action necessary to help you bust out of your cocoon by showing the world who you are.

Bonus Tip: If you are using online dating sites, it might be time to change sites, update your picture and make sure that you are conveying the real YOU in your written profile. There are many great sites out there with great integrity and a clean clear message that there is more to this dating thing. If you are serious about getting steady in love GetSteady.com is the place to do it..

2. Promise every day, not just at the end of every year. Make each day about doing the best you can to contribute greatness to your life. Doing one simple action each day brings you closer to your dreams and goals as a single gay man who is READY for love.

Tip: This might look like writing in a journal each night before you go to bed. Write down all the things you are grateful for that day. Or it might look like making changes to your financials by clearing away debt and getting support to help you do that. There is nothing more relationship attractive than being financially sound. Can’t you feel the anxiety melt away?

Bonus tip: Choose a charity organization that resonates with you and volunteer your time in any capacity. Go into it with out expectations or hoping for anything in return. By opening up your heart you will really get the the greatness factor rolling in your your life. If you can’t find a charity, maybe there is friend or someone you know of who could use a little support. Example: There is a friend of mine with three beautiful children. She’s also going to school full time. It’s not easy for a single mother to try and balance everything. Sometimes they need a break or a reprieve from their day to day. So, I offer myself as a babysitter anytime she needs me and that works with my schedule. This makes a HUGE difference in her life.

3. Ease up on the punches. We all beat up on ourselves once in a while. BUT, haven’t you knocked yourself around just a little too much? Are you emotionally blaming yourself for all the mistakes you’ve made in love? SO, put the gloves away and start softening the blows by introducing the idea that they weren’t mistakes, but valuable lessons.

Tip: Maybe there is a past relationship that still needs healing. If it’s in your power, and most times it is, take steps to make amends. First,  start by forgiving yourself. You did the best you could with the tools you had. Then, write him a letter. It doesn’t mean that you have to mail the letter- this will start the process of opening up and letting go.

Go ahead and make 2010 the year you met your match and fell in love. Also, make it the year when you ease up on the pressure to be a perfect single.

We walk through our day whining about how the day is going to be awful, and it all began during the tragic moment when you stubbed your toe on the way to the bathroom to brush your teeth; whoops out of toothpaste. Son of a @#$!

For example I work with a woman, who on a daily basis, lives on the stage of conflict by intense complaining and what almost seems like boasting about her mysterious maladies. Nothing is right, the weather is never perfect and her health seems to never be good. It’s as if she is creating her own afflictions.

Along our human development, we’ve lost the innocence and pure joy we once had as little kids. Have you ever watched a child play in the park? Ever have a conversation with a 4 year old about all the silly words they can create? They are the most truthful and joyful beings you’ll ever come across.  Everything to them is serious and at the same time joyful. Even conflict doesn’t last in their cute little hearts.

Well, in YOUR cute little heart still lives the spirit of that child you once were, and you too can regain that innocence and joy that once lived consistently in your heart. YOU, under all the grievances, are actually pure joy, love and sexiness.

Do you know someone or have you been with someone who can walk into a room and drain the life force out of it? Notice how the energy shifts and the whole experience leaves you feeling exhausted?  Sometimes you can’t even get two words in edge-wise. Are you guilty of the same actions? Well, here are 3 Thoughtful Strategies that you can use NOW to help you  become a better communicator.

1. Ask First, Talk Later. Think about what you want to vent about first then venting by permission. Venting by Permission is actually a healthy way of clearing your mind and sorting out some confusion while not suffocating someone else with your intense energy. Ask first, talk later.
2. It’s not your responsibility to be a care-giver to a complainer. When someone does something that makes you upset, it’s important to use your words and let them know how it made you feel, but if it’s a constant occurrence, it is not your duty to keep after them. It’s exhausting work keeping up with a nagging Nellie.
3. Carve out a path for yourself and call it, My Greatness Path and start exploring the things that make you, you – what makes you great and what can you do to make yourself even greater. The first step towards honing your greatness is by resolving some of those inner conflicts that have taken refuge in your heart.

So, do what you can to enable the humor factor in your life. Laugh, Laugh and Laugh some more. Oh and keep on laughing!  Grab my FREE weekly Naked Truth About Dating Podcast, Newsletter and Special report. http://www.TheGayGuysLovecoach.com

Why is it, that, in such an enormous city where culture and expression thrive, love and quality men are hard to find? At least that’s what hundreds of gay men who live there are telling me. Did I miss the memo or did a UFO suddenly beam up all of the quality men for some “probing” research?

Have they become an extinct species?

Well, I am here to tell you, the only thing that’s become extinct is your intuition and your innate ability to seek joy, both essential for dating and relating success. Somehow through your rugged journey of bad dates and relationships; you’ve lost the ability to listen to your gut and paying more attention to your thoughts.

It seems that it shouldn’t be so difficult; difficult meeting GREAT guys and falling in love. It can be easier, but it does take something.
What it takes.

“Being in Love is the most mature and realistic thing you can do. Being in love energizes your life, fills you with positivity, creates generosity and makes every moment beautiful!”     -Zen and the Art of Falling in Love

Find the greatness in YOU first.

I’ve been in the performing arts world for several years and I’ve witnessed what actors and musicians go through to get that break they’ve been working so hard for and I am here to share a little niblet of wisdom with you. It has NOTHING to do with luck. These artists who spend countless hours, days and years at honing their craft, working on inner conflicts and getting in front of the right people, are the ones who eventually claim great success.

Not only that, but showing up for an audition or interview is only half the climb. They need to be as present as possible; leaving all of their baggage at the door and making space for allowing the moment to be the moment and nothing more.

It’s quite obvious that these people care a great deal about their profession and they’re amazing at it too.

Carve out a path for yourself and call it, My Greatness Path and start exploring the things that make you you. What makes you great and what can you do to make yourself greater? The first step towards honing your greatness is by resolving some of those inner conflicts that have taken refuge in your heart.

Until next time…

Your friend,

Greg Halpen

Are you spending most nights doing other things besides going out on dates? That’s totally cool…it’s great to different things. In fact, I highly suggest you do get out there in the world and stretch a bit. Take more risks, get involved – go back to school!!  BUT if you’re wondering why you’re still single, complaining that you can’t  find a boyfriend AND would like to kick up your  love life a bunch of notches, you seriously need to put yourself out there more.

About a month ago I was given the amazing opportunity, by the UNIVERSE, to date this really amazing guy.

Not only is he funny, sweet, and emotionally available, he’s written a book and it’s in the process of being published. Not only that he’s grounded and responsible.  Hey, guys, that’s what happens when you bust through mind obstacles when it comes to meeting FANTASTIC men and you can only do that by DOING IT!

And yes, I’m single and I help single gay guys. Everything I talk or write about – I live 100% – everyday. So, I guess you can say I WALK my TALK. I’m not trying toot my own horn here. I just want to show you that it is so possible to meet men who are emotionally available and who are ready to WALK with you.

My point is, if you’re not seizing opportunities to approach and speak with guys you THINK might be out of your league, you’re probably missing out on some very special dating opportunities.

Not only that, you’re missing out on showing the world who you are by hiding who you are.

Maybe you’re not getting out there because you think:

True or False?

1. There are NO quality guys or if there are, they’re all taken. (FALSE! They’re everywhere!)
2. He’s way out of my league so why even bother. (FALSE! Your BRAIN is convincing you that you are not good enough and you are!)
3. Your life is not together or you’re just not ready to date. (TRUE! Do what it takes to get your shit together, get grounded and start meeting guys!)
4. You’ve had your fair share of dead-end dates and bad relationships. (TRUE! I know this too well. Ya just want to give up. Don’t. There is a reason why you keep attracting this into your life. It’s time to figure it out.)
5. You’re just TOO busy! (TRUE! So, don’t date! Hey, if you are too busy to date or meet guys either stop trying or do something about it. We’re all busy people in today’s world. Start creating space in your schedule to date.)

Ok, guys! DO IT! Get out there and do something you never would usually do, within reason of course, and take risks.

That is the only way you are going to stretch and grow.

Until next time…

Your friend,

Greg Halpen

http://www.TheGayGuysLoveCoach.com

It’s quite real that dating can be a scary experience. After all, you’re putting yourself out there; you’re being vulnerable and setting yourself up for possible rejection – so, why are you taking the fast track approach to being in a relationship?  Well, my gut instinct is telling me all of this can be avoided if one simply gets smart about dating.
The bottom line:  If you take your time, do the groundwork and be aware of that part of you that wants to have everything right NOW, you are likely to avoid the heartache.

What are you willing to do to ensure that your love life takes the front seat? Are you finally ready to acknowledge that part of you, deep down inside, that desires a loving, meaningful relationship? After all, you do have so much to offer, right? To get you started, I’ve compiled a list of 7 Reasons why you need to be paying attention to so that you can turn your love life around.

Helpful Reason #1: You don’t do the groundwork. After just a few dates, you’ve already made the decision that he’s the right guy for you. Hang on! This is your life we’re talking about. Dating is about being smart, gathering information, exploring each others’ world and defining what the relationship means to you.

Helpful Reason #2: You spend way too much time on the first, second and even third date. As the old saying goes, “Less is more.” Keep the meeting short and sweet. However, do be observant and present to the occasion; tune into him and your feelings. Remember, this is the first impression he’ll get of you.

Helpful Reason #3: You approach dating with a lot of desperation. Gosh, we all want to love and be loved, but you may not have grasped the true value in being a successful single yet. You may not have taken care of the important areas of your life; emotional, financial, spiritual and supportive, so you can date with confidence and freedom.

Helpful Reason #4: You don’t know how to be yourself. In business and your career you may be at the top of your game, but for some strange reason when it comes to matters of the heart, you become paralyzed. Being social is something that might be a challenge for you. You might even believe that if you were to be the real you, you might scare him off. Is that really true and how do you know that to be true? Remember, there is something about being vulnerable with another person that makes you very attractive.

Helpful Reason #5: You can’t wait to have sex. The connection is right and the sexual attraction is on high. You think if you connect sexually, that means you are right for each other in terms of a committed relationship. Well, the fact is, sex and sexual attraction is only a small part of the relationship equation. Having sex too soon can cloud your judgment.

Helpful Reason #6: Your standards are too high. Relax on this one. Someone recently told me that he’s been single for 10 years and refuses to date due to not being able to meet someone who can meet his high standards. Those were his words exactly. It’s perfectly fine to have standards, in fact, I recommend having standards – IF they are realistic and based on your core values?

Helpful Reason #7: You forget to have fun. This one really sums it up. Have fun, keep it simple and smile.

So, it’s time to take these helpful reasons and start building that confidence that you already have to meet your Mr. Right. If you do the groundwork, build a solid foundation by knowing who you are, what you want in an ideal partner and relationship and how to get there, not only will you experience an amazing feeling of freedom around everything that happens in your life you will stand up and notice all of the amazing guys you come in contact with everyday.

Energy Drainers.

Have there been times when you feel drained after a conversation with a friend, co-worker or even family? You feel down after listening to them complain about the weather, their boss or the economy? Is there someone in particular in your life, that, no matter what you do, or how open you are AND loving, you just can’t seem to work around their draining energy? They probably mean well, but your HOT BUTTONS get pushed and no matter what, you just can’t seem to work past it.

Law of Attraction experts, Jerry and Esther Hicks say, “When you focus upon lack in an attitude of complaining, you establish a vibrational point of attraction that then gives you access only to more thoughts of complaint. Your deliberate effort to tell a new story will establish a new pattern of thought, providing you with a new point of attraction from your present, about your past, and into your future. The simple effort of looking for positive aspects will set a new vibrational tone and the Law of Attraction will begin the immediate attraction of thoughts, people, circumstances, and things that are pleasing to you.”

Negative energy (or positive) is contagious.You can catch a negative or positive attitude from the people around you. Negative behavior is commonly displayed by people who have given up on their own dreams and aspirations. There are people who have positive attitudes, but fizzles out when something doesn’t go their way.

Did you know it’s an Inside Job?

Dreaming BIG is a huge part of the your Relationship Ready journey and if you are not surrounding yourself with people who support, encourage and nurture you, you are keeping yourself in the cycle of repeating the same events over and over. It’s about optimizing your environment (people, places and things) and let go of old ways that do not work for you anymore.

No matter what, we have to deal with our co-workers and family, but we have a choice of who we decide to hang around. Ask you yourself how you feel after spending time with someone, do you leave pumped, inspired or calm? After meeting up with a particular friend, do you leave feeling anxious, listless or fatigued? These are two extremes, but what I think you need is a way to measure how much good energy you are bringing into your life.

Well, if it’s the second, it’s time to develop friendships with people who support your dreams and goals. These people provide unconditional support, motivate you to keep keepin’ on and provide a comfortable space for you to be yourself.

Your Relationship Ready Assignment

Start to get curious about how you are being around certain people. If you are noticing buttons being pushed, energy being drained and frustration occur, begin to think about what you need to do take of yourself. This doesn’t mean shutting energy drainers out of your life, or condemning them and even confronting them; it’s a process, it takes time and means you eventually need to make some important decisions.

Hey, I know the drill….you’re starting to feel good about him, your connecting in amazing ways, you don’t use your teeth when you’re giving you know what and BOOM, he drops the BOMB that he’s dating other guys and sleeping with them too.

Hey, whatever you do in your bedroom, is so OK by me – what’s NOT OK is when you’re not being clear and upfront with him at the beginning by letting him know you are seeing different guys and that you are (or not) sexually active with them.

Guys, it really boils down to this. If you are dating to meet your ideal man and think that you will do it by double dipping your dip stick, you’ve got another thing coming. The only thing you will get closer to is an STD or right back where you started when you were desperately single.
Sounds rough, huh?

Well, it is, but someone has to give you the cosmic 2×4 upside your love box so you can begin to see why that strategy doesn’t work anymore. Also, you will start see how this might kinda upset the poor dude you’ve been keeping secrets from.

OK – I know I was a bit rough, but remember, I love you and will give you huge bear hug AND a little strategy on how you can show up in all honesty.

So, here’s your <HUG> and here’s your strategy.

Your Simple Strategy

OK -what is one of the most powerful values you can practice when dating a potential boyfriend?

It’s a value that stands the test of time in any relationship.  It’s yummy AND delicious. Need a hint?

It begins with a “C.”  No, NOT that!

It’s COMMUNICATION.

If you are not communicating honesty right up front, why would your “potential beau” have any reason to trust you in a relationship?
Interesting,  huh?

When you first meet someone and it starts to develop into more of a consistent dating thing, somewhere between your 3th and 5th date and before SEX, you should tell your guy that you are seeing different people, because that just how you roll or how you like to search for your partner or whatever seems right wording for you.

Ahem – yes – this is when you tell him you’re also sleeping with them too. This will give your guy the opportunity to make a fast get-away or stay and listen. Chances are, since you were so upfront he’ll probably stick around and explore things further. And not only that, doesn’t it feel EMPOWERING? You are going to be such a stud now, because you’re wearing your honesty briefs…YUM!

Like I said, if you are truly seeking your true love, your homeboy or your life partner, this strategy will help you get miles closer. And this may not be EARTH SHATTERING advice, but sometimes all it takes is a little validation and permission to do what you’ve always wanted to do…be HONEST!