Recently, with so much going on, I was beginning to shut down, drop balls, not show up for classes, not answer phone calls, blame, etc. And I realized, that the more I add to my plate  the more I become over loaded with fear. The more fear there is, the more I want to shut down. It’s a messy vicious cycle.

For instance, I see all of these things before me that I want to accomplish in my life; Take my singing to the next level, study Sufism and build a successful coaching practice/business helping single guy men who are successful in life but who struggle in love. I also want to write a book, become a well known speaker AND move back to NYC.

And in between those delicious ideas, I rush to fill the cracks with distractions. Over eating, taking too many naps, watching too much television and not making enough money to make ends meet.

Like a dog chasing its tail; round and round I go. For the dog it’s fun. For me? Not so much.

What I realize is, the more I get my heart involved with the Divine, the more centered I become. Allowing the Divine, (God, Buddha, The Earth, Oneness), the LOVE flows endlessly. Like a river that flows through many towns and villages. Each claim it as their own, but it’s all one flowing stream.

Today, I feel more grounded and again, I am closer to my heart. My heart wins out every time if I allow it to. And the funny thing is, these little crisis only last a short time. A couple of days. Seems longer, though. Well, that’s what fear would like me to think.

Today I am grateful for: The Remembrance, my heart, friends, my pets, singing, family and LOVE.

So, what are you doing in your life that is creating distractions and taking you further away from your HEART?

Why? Hmmm…

Well, at first I was stumped. Why was I making plans to visit friends in the city and then fall short at the last minute blaming it on clients and work? I wasn’t even aware there was something going on. I’m so BUSTED! I needed to do some internal investigating.

The report?

Well, first, the drive. I was anxious about driving into the city and where to park, BUT as soon as I approached the George Washington Bridge I knew I had come home. This grand riveting structure was my solid steel welcoming committee. Second, was about revisiting a city I had so much struggle with. A city where I found darkness hidden in every corner. Surrounded by thousands of people and still feeling like I was the only one there.  The Big Apple literally bit me up, swallowed me whole and spit me out…several times!

OK – let me tell ya – That didn’t stop me. I am a HUGE risk taker and LOVE diving into feelings and journeys and all that biz. I just eat it up!!

This weekend I was hungry.  Just after one day in the city- being silly with my silly partner-in-crime Joe my creative embers started to blaze. You see – I had been away from NYC for almost 4 years. That is the longest I have ever been away from that lonely small-big city. Was it because I was afraid I wasn’t going to feel the same about the city, like I used to? Would it have the same heat intensity? The same feeling that I can BE anything I set my heart to? Damn straight it did.

I was even more juiced to be back in the Apple. I was DRIVING and I felt FREE! I was in the driver’s seat both in my car and in my life. It was so easy to drive through the streets of Manhattan. Can I say, the biggest highlight was driving through Time Square in all it’s bright glory. AND even though I got two tickets and I side swiped another driver causing some minor damage to the body of my car, it didn’t phase me. Oh, sure – it bothered me for a few minutes, but then I said to myself,  “What will getting upset and angry solve?”  It wont change anything. Don’t get me wrong – I allowed myself to get upset, but then I let it go. Thanks, Tanya and Steven! (They were with me!)

I even met someone who I could potentially date. I mean, I felt a connection with him. Will it work out? Who knows yet. All I know is I set the wheels in motion and now it’s up to the universe and this other person to provide some oil. I at least need to see the other guy making efforts to move the world for me. ; )

In a nutshell, with my school work and coaching business, I neglected to play with my spirit. DUDE – let me tell you something. It took a weekend drive to NYC, being silly with Joe, getting two traffic tickets and side swiping a car to get my mojo moving again.

Life is pretty damn sweet! Tickets, car accidents and all. NYC here I come. Well, at least the weekends for now.

Feed your spirit. Play with your soul.

From the trenches…

Greg Halpen

The Gay Guy’s Love Coach