thegayguyslovecoach.com

A Way to a Man’s Heart is Through Yours

coachgreg38 — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 11:47:38 +0000

Let’s say you happen to meet a really great guy. He’s cute, charming and incredibly sexy. You connected right off the bat and you both agree you would like to go on more dates.

Are you ready to open up your heart to him?

Are you ready to show up with open arms and without the games?

Are you ready to accept fear and not let it run you down like a stampede of wild horses?

You wouldn’t believe how often I hear men say, “I like to be pursued” and then they wonder why the hell they’re still single. Shit, it’s as if they were the only one involved in this exploration. For me personally, I run for the hills. This tactic only gives me hints of what the relationship is going to be like.

Are you ready to show up, and wear your heart on your sleeve?

My belief is, as soon as there is a hint of a game, it almost never works out. That’s not to say that there isn’t some kind of playing happening. Dating should be playful. Almost like a dance. The dance between two energetically matched men, testing the waters and taking the time to build trust and open hearts.

That’s really the only game that you should be playing.

Leave the Games to Milton Bradley

Know as soon as you create that intention, that, “I want to be pursued,” kind of energy, you have created your outcomes and experiences already.

You may attract men who like to pursue, but who may not be able to follow through with what it takes to build a relationship.

You will attract men who are not ready for a relationship. They waffle and are extremely afraid to take the right risks. Hence the pursuing; It’s just a clever way of hiding.

They pursue too hard. They are often forceful and pushy with their actions and have defensive attitudes when you don’t reciprocate. Hey, they’re supposed to be the pursuers, so why are they getting all huffy?

You will experience more heartache and pain, because honestly, you are both pursuing eachother. If you are sitting back, picking your nose while someone is taking all the action, thats not fair and, honestly, that sounds tiring evening thinking about it.

You might even be so caught up in the chase, that you forget why you are here in the first place, and that’s to explore joy and happiness with each other. I’m not saying that dating and relationships don’t take work, because they do.

They take a different kind of work. The kind of work that reaps an amazing return on investment. A return that can only be measured in deep breathing and smiles. AND If you’ve decide that you need to have the energy of the “hunt and kill,” its pretty much a given that your internal life is chaotic.

How do I know if I am stuck in this mad rut?

Well, chances are you’re showing many signs, but you don’t know what they are. Here are some of those signs you might be able to recognize in yourself, so you can stop the cat and mouse game and start playing something different. Something better!

1. Your dates are complicated and full of drama. No matter what you do to meet men you always seem to meet guys who bring drama into your life. Not so fast, you. Remember, it’s a two way street. He may be bringing drama in, but there is something you are doing to contribute to it.

2. You are feeling more loneliness than completeness. Most days you feel depressed and alone, because, well, you are alone. You see yourself as being incomplete just because you are not in a relationship. This is important, because you are entering the dating world with this energy, and those worthwhile cuties can pick up on it, like me, and believe me, we’ll run the other way. Hey, it’s not cruel – it’s just true. We’ve worked hard at connecting to our hearts.

3. Your heart is miles away from your efforts. Ok, you try so hard to make connections with guys. I know you do. Online dating, bars and maybe even getting numbers when you are out and about. You think you put your awesome heart into it and then push blame when it gets squashed. “There are no good men out there!” “All the good ones are taken!” “He never returned my calls!” If you can simply put more heart into your man searches, and I the kind of heart that means, you’re ok with rejection, know it takes time and that you are ok being single, you will hit upon the hottest love you’ve EVER experienced!

Take these hints and hold them up to your life and see if any or all ring true for you. Guys, its simple. Either piss or get off the potty. Its time to take hold of this thing called love and finally own it. Own it in our heart and own it in your body. I know you can do it!

PS – Would love to hear from you. Please leave your comments, good or bad. I want to hear’em!

xoxox

Greg

Your heart wins out every time!

coachgreg38 — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 01:17:52 +0000

I am amazed at how my heart always come out on top every time I am going through a mini-crisis.

Recently, with so much going on, I was beginning to shut down, drop balls, not show up for classes, not answer phone calls, blame, etc. And I realized, that the more I add to my plate the more I become over loaded with fear. The more fear there is, the more I want to shut down. It’s a messy vicious cycle.

For instance, I see all of these things before me that I want to accomplish in my life; Take my singing to the next level, study Sufism and build a successful coaching practice/business helping single guy men who are successful in life but who struggle in love. I also want to write a book, become a well known speaker AND move back to NYC.

And in between those delicious ideas, I rush to fill the cracks with distractions. Over eating, taking too many naps, watching too much television and not making enough money to make ends meet.

Like a dog chasing its tail; round and round I go. For the dog it’s fun. For me? Not so much.

What I realize is, the more I get my heart involved with the Divine, the more centered I become. Allowing the Divine, (God, Buddha, The Earth, Oneness), the LOVE flows endlessly. Like a river that flows through many towns and villages. Each claim it as their own, but it’s all one flowing stream.

Today, I feel more grounded and again, I am closer to my heart. My heart wins out every time if I allow it to. And the funny thing is, these little crisis only last a short time. A couple of days. Seems longer, though. Well, that’s what fear would like me to think.

Today I am grateful for: The Remembrance, my heart, friends, my pets, singing, family and LOVE.

So, what are you doing in your life that is creating distractions and taking you further away from your HEART?

coachgreg38 — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 15:47:46 +0000

Ok, for those of you who don’t know what P90X^® is, and I will start with their description and then give my own.

P90X^® is a revolutionary system of 12 sweat-inducing, muscle-pumping workouts, designed to transform your body from regular to ripped in just 90 days.

My own description is that above PLUS it’s 90 days of spiritual transformation, because this journey isn’t all about how I want to look – but more about how I want to feel.

This challenge brings up some thoughts:

1. Since I am HIV positive, I want to be as physically fit as possible as to not give this virus a single chance of taking me down.

2. I want and need more discipline in my life. This for me, is a spiritual discipline – mentally, physically and spiritually.

3. I want to look HOT. This is last, because even though it’s important to me, it’s not the driving force behind my P90X journey.

I am going to start the first day on my birthday, Saturday, March 13 – which is tomorrow. I figure, it is perfect timing seeing that the P90X program arrived today, the day before my birthday. YAY!

It also gives me time to study the books and the meal plan thoroughly before starting.

Tomorrow I will also post before pictures and will be blogging everyday. Also, this is perfect timing, because the program will end a few weeks before I do my HIV and Profound Visibility run on June 22nd. Everything seems to be lining up in such a natural progression. AMAZING!

Until tomorrow…

Your friend,

Greg

Starting p90x on my birthday

coachgreg38 — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 15:47:37 +0000

Ok, for those of you who don’t know what P90X^® is, and I will start with their description and then give my own.

P90X^® is a revolutionary system of 12 sweat-inducing, muscle-pumping workouts, designed to transform your body from regular to ripped in just 90 days.

My own description is that above PLUS it’s 90 days of spiritual transformation, because this journey isn’t all about how I want to look – but more about how I want to feel.

This challenge brings up some thoughts:

1. Since I am HIV positive, I want to be as physically fit as possible as to not give this virus a single chance of taking me down.

2. I want and need more discipline in my life. This for me, is a spiritual discipline – mentally, physically and spiritually.

3. I want to look HOT. This is last, because even though it’s important to me, it’s not the driving force behind my P90X journey.

I am going to start the first day on my birthday, Saturday, March 13 – which is tomorrow. I figure, it is perfect timing seeing that the P90X program arrived today, the day before my birthday. YAY!

It also gives me time to study the books and the meal plan thoroughly before starting.

Until tomorrow…

Your friend,

Greg

Break out of your shy gay guy shell

coachgreg38 — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 00:12:21 +0000

Have you ever found yourself at a party or event and noticing a cute guy across the room? He smiled a certain way that sends you over the top.

Makes you blush. ; )

Then when you think about approaching him your monkey mind does everything in its power to convince you to hold back and not go over to him, or even think about leaving all together?

Or you’re the perpetual nervous and shy ‘Wall Flower’ standing against the wall alone and you fold, clam up, or pack up and leave every time someone approaches you?

What would it be like to be a self-starter?

When you create that easy and flowing connection between you and that other guy it opens up the channels for more, and more communication.

A reciprocation of energy.

Guys? I’ve been there, trust me. Actually I stuttered and got cold sweats every time someone approached me, let alone never thought about approaching someone else to start a conversation.

I would do anything and everything just to leave and avoid conversations with guys. I would even create a way to duck out. Completely unnoticed.

Maybe you’ve thought about approaching some really big challenges in your life like when it comes to meeting men. Like getting out more, changing how you’re meeting men or how you settle when it comes the guys you’re meeting, but every time you make any attempts, you fold and give up.

Well, there is something quite transformational and super life shifting when you can take any kind of opportunity and say YES to it now no matter how scary or threatening it may feel.

Quite truthfully, by saying YES, this creates an incredible ripple effect in other areas of your life. It really loosens things up so to speak.

The best way I can describe this to you is through my own life example. With the energy of a new year and all of the possibilities it brings, I was confronted with my heart whispering to me over and over again: You’re Hiding.

I could have either let it go, ignore that voice, or choose to listen and really hear what my heart meant, and was telling me, by that ongoing thought: You’re Hiding.

I chose to listen and explore. As scary as it was, I did it. It’s OK. I’m going to clear something up for you. We are not born effective communicators or studs or great conversationalists. It’s a skill.

A skill that needs to be developed and honed. It’s absolutely doable at any age in one’s life.

Start getting curious at where it is in your life you might be hiding when it comes to meeting guys, dating and talking to men. Is there one thing you can do right NOW, like, let’s say, approach one guy this week and simply start a conversation with him? Do some research and Find out where the kind of guys you want to date, hang out.

Your friend,

Greg Halpen

www.TheGayGuysLoveCoach.com

2010: The Year of Profound Visibility

coachgreg38 — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 04:10:42 +0000

So, we’re in week two of 2010 and it just dawned on me. No, it was actually like a smack in the heart with a cosmic 2×4. BAM!

I needed to pump up my life, my coaching and my business in a uniquely profound way. I mean,
my life is pretty darn amazing, I have to admit. I wake up EVERY morning with the zest of life, ready to face what the day has in store with me.

I walk throughout my day with an air of freedom and confidence that totally blows ME away. I’m dating some really amazing men who fit the vision I have created for my ideal Mr. Right! It’s happening.

So guys, as you begin the New Year in your love life, do you have a theme or a direction
for your life planned out? I’ve decided to do this annually and it makes a huge difference in my own life focus and with the clients that I work with.

This year, is the year of Profound Visibility.

One thing I know about myself is, that, I was a person who hid a lot. No matter what I thought I was doing in my life to shine and that even includes the men I’ve taught along the way, I was still hiding.

Then I realized something quite chilling. Guys, if I want to make important positive differences in the lives of more single gay men, and really, the world – I mean in a profound way, I needed to really look at where was hiding in my life.

Well, to give you an example of what I mean, here are some ways I’m increasing my Profound Visibility.

1. I am coming out of the closet as a Zen practitioner. For some reason, somewhere in my sometimes thinking monkey mind, I created the belief that my subscribers would unsubscribe and clients would run for the hills if I infused my Zen work into the ‘single gay guy’ work that I do. I found it’s the total opposite reaction. In fact, most guys are drawn to this kind of work.

So, suffice it to say I will be mixing in Zen lessons into the work that I do; a more modern approach, that’s fun and exciting.

2. I am ditching the podcast, for now, and will do special Life Shift Videos and what that means is, I will produce short videos teaching you exactly what you can do make HUGE profound shifts in your thinking and belief systems around love.

3. Collaborate with some of the top experts in the field of dating, relationships, healing and Zen. I want to unveil my heart and open up to more people who have already made amazing positive differences in the world. I want to reach in and help them spread their amazing life’s work.

4. Kicking up my spiritual practicing by becoming a student of Zen in Syracuse, NY. There is a beautiful Zendo in the small city I live in. I’ve already been in contact with the Roshi there, and it looks like I will be starting soon. I’m pretty excited!

5. The ever so brilliant speaker within. I am launching my speaker self out into the world. I must be totally honest with you and humbly say that even though the men I work with one-to-one rant and rave about my teachings, getting up in front of hundreds of guys kinda pulls at my anxiety strings. But like the force that I am, I’m always willing to take on and master a new challenge.

Those are some of the ways that I am stepping out into the light to allow who I am to be visible.

Most importantly, as the year progresses, I will be making some amazing changes to the structure of my coaching practice and programs, so you will be able to interact more with the website.

The Gay Guy’s Love Coach Bottom Line: 2010 is my year of Profound Visibility and I am committed to stepping out on the front line to help my subscribers and clients thrive, not only in LOVE, but in LIFE!

What are YOU going to do to become more visible in the world and importantly in the world of LOVE?

Until next time…

All the best for Profound Visibility in 2010!

Your friend,

Greg Halpen
www.TheGayGuysLoveCoach.com

5 Clues to Why You Are Settling When it Comes to Love

coachgreg38 — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 14:44:29 +0000

I recently spoke with a guy who claims that finding love is too hard, and with a *sigh*, he said, “I’ll have to resort to escorts.” Now, he was joking about the escort, but still….that is an example of what some gay men are experiencing when it comes to falling in love – and I think sometimes it takes extreme change and awareness to finally get to the point where settling isn’t a choice anymore.

Personally, I believe you know. You know what your options are. I really think you believe in the fairytale ending too, but somewhere along the trip you’ve squashed the dream way down underneath all your pain. Sometimes you even get a glimpse of what it might look like being with a wonderful man, expressing your love, in a committed monogamous relationship, right?

Why do we settle? Well, my idea is, you settle, because you view yourself as not being good enough. Your self-esteem is low and you’ll do whatever it takes to seek the love that you desire. Now, think about this. What if I said that your self-esteem is actually very strong and all you need to do is look within and tap into that resource? I know, I’m starting to sound all woo-woo, but my point is, finding love with another person starts when you find love with in yourself.

“Would you do whatever it took to seek the love within yourself – that love which you desire from another?” – GH

Another theory I have, is when you settle, you’re working so hard at seeking acceptance from another person, that you will do almost anything to attain it, like compromise your values and requirements that are essential for a healthy relationship, but in reality, you’re really trying to accept yourself – for who you are -you just don’t know it yet.

Take a moment, clear some space in your day, sit down and start getting curious about where you might be settling in your life? Does your job’s salary not match your talents and dedication? Does your boyfriend play around with other men; you’re accepting of it, when deep down inside, it’s not ok. Are you putting off starting your own business, because you think it’s just a pipe dream and you’ll never do it for whatever reason?

5 Clues To Why You Are Settling

Now it’s time to take a stance, and tell yourself that you are done settling; all done. I believe in you. Well, let me give you 5 Clues to Why You’re Settling. They will help you recognize when it’s happening, so you can say, I’m Done!

1. You’ve claimed the, “I’m always meeting the wrong guy”, Ticket. Actually, you meet so many “wrong guys” that, from here on out you will continue to do so until you start recognizing what is so off about the men you meet. Importantly, what’s going on in yourself to attract men, who are not up to your standards?

After all, we attract who we are.

2.You’ve designed the perfect man (in your head) and when you go out and try to find him, you blame the world that there aren’t any good men left. Guys, let’s face it. We’re guys and for the most part, when we envision the man we want to spend our days with, we can go little above and beyond what’s truly realistic.

Take a deep and close look at the man of your dreams and check in to see if it’s based on reality or a yearning or an feeling of emptiness.

3.You’re not over your last relationship. So, you’re with someone new and you thought you’ve found Mr. Right again, but after some time, you start comparing it to your last relationship, because you believed he was your one true love. Your current partner is sensing that and is starting to pull away from you, because he sees you are not in it 100%. Just know you can fall in love many times over. Each time is true and first. Stop settling by believing that you will never find true love again…you will.

4. I’m moody and that’s just the way I am. Well, how many guys have been put off by your mood swings? Remember, you are not your moods and you might want to do some self-reflecting to begin to understand why it is you’re so hostile. Stop settling, by not living your life in anger and pain and start releasing whatever emotional turmoil you are going through. You and everyone around you will love you for it.

5. You haven’t loved the wounded little boy enough. Do you cringe when you think about being around other gay guys? You walk you walk into a room filled with gay men, and you panic and become anxious. There is a reason for that, and it has nothing to do with the men in that room. It has to do with you. Once you start forming a bond with that hurt little boy inside you and start asking him what he needs, your confidence will soar.

That’s why single gay men come to me, because they are ready to commit to NOT settling anymore in any area of their lives, especially LOVE. Love is a gift, a gift we all hold, and once you can let go of the settling, you will then be able to unleash your love and be loved in return.

Greg Halpen, The Gay Guy’s Love Coach, is a recognized speaker, mentor and expert dating coach for single gay men. He takes a “heart-based” approach to teaching single gay men how to build unstoppable confidence, meet and approach men and importantly, build a strong connection with their one TRUE love…THEMSELVES.

Pass it on: Know someone who could benefit from this article or his FREE weekly Naked Truth About Dating Podcast, Newsletter and Special report? http://www.TheGayGuysLovecoach.com

How’s Your Integrity When it Comes to Good Love?

coachgreg38 — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 14:01:06 +0000

I have a feeling that you’re one of the most loving and giving guys someone could ever meet. You have so much to offer a relationship, but on the other hand you’re having trouble grasping love; not just grasping it, but EMBRACING it.

Perhaps, being a single gay man comes with a lot of stress and anxiety. You might worry that you will never meet someone and that being alone is the most painful feeling ever.

My Spidey senses are telling me, that you want more when it comes to love. You’re just longing to fall in love, care for your man, express your deep affection, and build a terrific life together. However, your integrity around dating might be a little shaky.

So, what gives?

Speaking of Spidey senses, I want to share a little life experience with you and maybe you can relate or maybe you can’t, but if you open up your heart, you will notice the lesson in it.

Along with coaching single gay men (and now coupled), I also volunteer working with little kids a few times a week and I keenly notice how they problem solve. It’s actually very fascinating.

Without too many mind-filters, they stay with the challenge until the challenge is solved and usually with joy and determination. If they’re REALLY struggling with a conflict, they seem to move on from it with lightening speed and then forget it ever happened. Point is, they don’t judge it and they never give up.

They are geniuses, mini-brilliant problem solvers and perhaps, somewhere along the line, you’ve lost touch with that part of yourself – your little inner genius and simply gave up trying to attain that amazing love life. You see, your dating integrity is what’s going to help you stick by your values and requirements. It’s the very thread that supports how confident and grounded you are.

When the Connection Has a Glitch!

One client, who has been partnered for five years, decided to go the route of “open” relationship – his justification? Sex drive lessens the longer you stay together and they want that consistent sex. Not only that, they have a set of strict rules they follow when they each meet someone they’re having sex with. The rules are put in place, so it doesn’t go deeper than just sex.

This sounds complicated PLUS adding more opportunities for unnecessary conflict, when the couple at hand can solve the sex dilemma themselves. Make sense? Also, I wont really say it here, but they are suffering in love big time with some of their life style choices. The truth is, sexual energy with your partner will change, because the relationship changes and undergoes many stages of growth. Actually, your sexual relationship with your partner can evolve if you know what to do.

He was actually relieved when we spoke about this, because deep down inside, he really didn’t want an open relationship and thought their was no other alternative. Today, with my help, they are exploring different ways to spice up their love life while keeping the integrity of their relationship strong.

Get The Love Ball Rolling.

Speaking of INTEGRITY, 2010 is fast approaching. What are you willing do differently in your life TODAY to change the outcomes of your dating and love efforts? I mean something HUGE, that never seems to gets past the thought process. Which means you think about it, but never put it into action.

Maybe you want to get out in the dating world more and go on fearless dates. That means being present and open to what ever possibilities might show up for you. Also, it might mean exploring different ways to meet men, like, getting involved with local gay organizations, volunteering or simply striking up a conversation with someone who catches your eye.

If You Take Small Bites You Wont Get as Full.

No matter how you slice it, Make 2010 the year you changed things in your life that needed change – like Dating Integrity. Some of my single clients are taking their “bull” by the horns and making some huge leaps in what they want to do differently for 2010. I mean, HUGE! One client is leaving his J-O-B to go into web design business for himself. He wants to step up his dating integrity by making one of his dreams come true by not working for someone else. ever again.

In a last session, a client discovered why he was settling in love and decided that he wasn’t going to hide anymore behind his limiting beliefs about being gay, and is putting himself out there in ways, that would usually paralyze him. It all had to do with a decision he forgot he made when he was a kid. A decision that stemmed from a tragic moment in his young life.

He’s doing INCREDIBLE things now!

Need help clarifying what it is YOU want to attract next year? Your love life, for starters, might need some major attention and the only way you’ll make huge leaps is to pay attention to the areas of your life that aren’t working anymore. For more information about the course that is changing the lives of many a single gay guy, go here Bootcamps. Next Bootcamp Starts January 23rd and just for signing up I will give you a complimentary Dating Integrity Session.
Remember, dating integrity starts with YOU!

Greg Halpen

Are You Following Through With Your Promises?

coachgreg38 — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 13:24:14 +0000

Guys, I’m sure by now you’ve reached the end of your limit with all of the pressure to follow through with making 2010 a better year for your life. Making your life less about pain and suffering and more about contributing and living in joy, especially when it comes to love.

The problem is, the higher the expectation, the more pressure there is to perform and following through with making 2010 your best year in love. And when you don’t follow through there’s some self-butt kicking, right?

Does that sound like you?

That is the biggest reason why you don’t follow through with the promises you make for the coming year. Hey, maybe you focus so much on the fact that you’ve tried your darnedest to find Mr. Wonderful and settle down. You’ve put yourself on the line so many times (more times than you care to count) only to get let down once again- that you’ve become, perhaps…a little jaded?

It’s ok. You can admit it. Really, it’s ok.

I used to be as jaded as they come. Oh, sure, my exterior showed a happy-go-lucky kid, but what lurked deep down inside would make you crawl under a rock and never come out. Gratefully today, I am that happy-go-lucky kid I was meant to be. The kid who was always there waiting to shine.

Well, guys, you know you can have more for yourself when it comes to falling in love? You can have your cake and eat it too when it comes to building a life with the guy of your dreams? AND I know you can’t help making those new year resolutions, because it’s a way to keep you accountable for bettering your life. Hey, it’s ok – nothing wrong with that!

What will make it easier for you to fulfill your promises?

Ok, to help you out in a big way, a loving way, I am going to share with you Three HUGE Secrets with Tips that will help you let go of expectations and REALLY make 2010 your absolute best year ever in life and LOVE.

You’ll certainly want to apply these strategies in your life right away, because I even give you examples of how to implement them, and taking such action will start to melt away the pressure to be perfect.

1. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Start with ONE significant change that you would like to see happen in your love life and map it out in small portions.

Tip: Maybe you want to acquire a more positive attitude around dating. So, a small step might look like taking a good look at how you view dating and relationships and write about it OR that might mean taking my Single Gay Guy’s Dating Integrity Bootcamp where you’ll get personal attention and support with changing your attitude towards love and relationships.

Maybe you want to take a different approach to how you are meeting men. Get better at starting and engaging in conversations with men. If your excuse is, “your too shy”, you are doing yourself a disservice by not taking the action necessary to help you bust out of your cocoon by showing the world who you are.

Bonus Tip: If you are using online dating sites, it might be time to change sites, update your picture and make sure that you are conveying the real YOU in your written profile. There are many great sites out there with great integrity and a clean clear message that there is more to this dating thing. If you are serious about getting steady in love GetSteady.com is the place to do it..

2. Promise every day, not just at the end of every year. Make each day about doing the best you can to contribute greatness to your life. Doing one simple action each day brings you closer to your dreams and goals as a single gay man who is READY for love.

Tip: This might look like writing in a journal each night before you go to bed. Write down all the things you are grateful for that day. Or it might look like making changes to your financials by clearing away debt and getting support to help you do that. There is nothing more relationship attractive than being financially sound. Can’t you feel the anxiety melt away?

Bonus tip: Choose a charity organization that resonates with you and volunteer your time in any capacity. Go into it with out expectations or hoping for anything in return. By opening up your heart you will really get the the greatness factor rolling in your your life. If you can’t find a charity, maybe there is friend or someone you know of who could use a little support. Example: There is a friend of mine with three beautiful children. She’s also going to school full time. It’s not easy for a single mother to try and balance everything. Sometimes they need a break or a reprieve from their day to day. So, I offer myself as a babysitter anytime she needs me and that works with my schedule. This makes a HUGE difference in her life.

3. Ease up on the punches. We all beat up on ourselves once in a while. BUT, haven’t you knocked yourself around just a little too much? Are you emotionally blaming yourself for all the mistakes you’ve made in love? SO, put the gloves away and start softening the blows by introducing the idea that they weren’t mistakes, but valuable lessons.

Tip: Maybe there is a past relationship that still needs healing. If it’s in your power, and most times it is, take steps to make amends. First, start by forgiving yourself. You did the best you could with the tools you had. Then, write him a letter. It doesn’t mean that you have to mail the letter- this will start the process of opening up and letting go.

Go ahead and make 2010 the year you met your match and fell in love. Also, make it the year when you ease up on the pressure to be a perfect single.

What is your Hectic life revealing to you?

coachgreg38 — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 21:51:09 +0000

Yesterday, I spent the whole day resting on my comfortable couch, eating delicious Mexican food, designing workshops and setting things in motion for my upcoming Single Gay Guy’s Bootcamp. I jumped on my computer and wrote an article, answered emails and then sweat my butt off in my ZUMBA class – there’s a theme here.

Doesn’t sound like I was resting much, does it?

Well, from college classes, to preschool work, to helping single gay men fine tune their dating and life challenges, AND taking my coaching practice to a whole new level for 2010, all things I am passionate about – this was supposed to be my day to rest, reload and recharge.

But I still wasn’t resting. Now, this is where you notice a theme…

I mean, we have our jobs, our careers, volunteer work, own a businesses, families, hobbies, the gym and our own personal conflicts that show up from time to time. We have health problems, emotional challenges and financial worries.

Wouldn’t you like to just turn it off for a day? Close down your thinking shop for a much needed rest?

I mean, REALLY, turn it off…

Let me ask you, what would your life look like, right now, if you could take a small break; a short reprieve from your day to day life, on a day to day basis?

You’re probably in shock right now RECLAIMING your belief that, it’s IMPOSSIBLE! “I take vacations,” you shout!

I know. You take a much needed vacation from your hectic life. You take vacations, but are you really resting? You’re touring, eating out and seeing the sites. You make a huge list of stuff to do on vacation. THE LIST – the list that helps you get organized, yet, at the same time holds you to enormous pressure to get it ALL done!

We never seem to escape those to do lists, right? I hear lots of people say that they could use a vacation from their vacation. No matter how hard we try to take a break, we’re not breaking where it really counts.

Besides, we take a week or two off, to “rest” and its back to the same grind. So, where’s the time for dating and networking to meet eligible men, and is there a way to bring a micro-vacations to your everyday life?

What I’m getting at, is about carving out a niche each day. Maybe to write in a journal (good time to start one), meditate, spend time in the park walking your dog, going hiking – doing something where you can be with your thoughts and breathe. Breathe, dammit, breathe!

When the roses stop growing.

I know, it’s easy to get caught up in life’s “stuff “and completely forget about smelling the roses – they do smell amazing – they do! When you DO stop to smell the roses, you’re still texting, talking on the cell phone, thinking about the argument you had a week ago, what you’re having for dinner and what it be like to have a boyfriend. I do it all the time, but what I don’t do is forget what it takes to turn it off and seek joy in the stillness of it all- it makes a world of difference.

We are constantly recycling thoughts.

As you know, I help single gay men discover their life’s purpose as well helping them heal from emotional pain. The work is rewarding, and the guys I help, walk away with a new lease on life and love. It blows my mind.

Yes, my title is Dating Expert, however, let’s face it, I can give you all the valuable advice, tips and secrets to meeting your true love, but if you are not loving yourself FIRST, the tools I offer, aren’t going to help you too much. Make sense?

The first step to loving yourself is taking a break. Clearing away the things in your life that are taking up room and things that you are not 100% passionate about. Know you have a choice. You have a choice to go from “I don’t know why I am meeting the same guys and going on bad dates to I am attracting the men I want to date into my life and dating has never been so fun as it is NOW!”

Live, laugh, REST!

Your friend,

Greg Halpen

The Gay Guy’s Love Coach