Makes you blush. ; )

Then when you think about approaching him your monkey mind does everything in its power to convince you to hold back and not go over to him, or even think about leaving all together?

Or you’re the perpetual nervous and shy ‘Wall Flower’ standing against the wall alone and you fold, clam up, or pack up and leave every time someone approaches you?

What would it be like to be a self-starter?

When you create that easy and flowing connection between you and that other guy it opens up the channels for more, and more communication.

A reciprocation of energy.

Guys? I’ve been there, trust me. Actually I stuttered and got cold sweats every time someone approached me, let alone never thought about approaching someone else to start a conversation.

I would do anything and everything just to leave and avoid conversations with guys. I would even create a way to duck out. Completely unnoticed.

Maybe you’ve thought about approaching some really big challenges in your life like when it comes to meeting men. Like getting out more, changing how you’re meeting men or how you settle when it comes the guys you’re meeting, but every time you make any attempts, you fold and give up.

Well, there is something quite transformational and super life shifting when you can take any kind of opportunity and say YES to it now no matter how scary or threatening it may feel.

Quite truthfully, by saying YES, this creates an incredible ripple effect in other areas of your life. It really loosens things up so to speak.

The best way I can describe this to you is through my own life example. With the energy of a new year and all of the possibilities it brings, I was confronted with my heart whispering to me over and over again: You’re Hiding.

I could have either let it go, ignore that voice, or choose to listen and really hear what my heart meant, and was telling me, by that ongoing thought: You’re Hiding.

I chose to listen and explore. As scary as it was, I did it.  It’s OK. I’m going to clear something up for you. We are not born effective communicators or studs or great conversationalists. It’s a skill.

A skill that needs to be developed and honed. It’s absolutely doable at any age in one’s life.

Start getting curious at where it is in your life you might be hiding when it comes to meeting guys, dating and talking to men. Is there one thing you can do right NOW, like, let’s say, approach one guy this week and simply start a conversation with him? Do some research and Find out where the kind of guys you want to date, hang out.

Your friend,

Greg Halpen

www.TheGayGuysLoveCoach.com

I recently spoke with a guy who claims that finding love is too hard, and with a *sigh*, he said, “I’ll have to resort to escorts.

Personally, I believe you know. You know what your options are. I really think you believe in the fairytale ending too, but somewhere along the trip you’ve squashed the dream way down underneath all your pain. Sometimes you even get a glimpse of what it might look like being with a wonderful man, expressing your love, in a committed monogamous relationship, right?

Why do we settle? Well, my idea is, you settle, because you view yourself as not being good enough. Your self-esteem is low and you’ll do whatever it takes to seek the love that you desire. Now, think about this. What if I said that your self-esteem is actually very strong and all you need to do is look within and tap into that resource? I know, I’m starting to sound all woo-woo, but my point is, finding love with another person starts when you find love with in yourself.

“Would you do whatever it took to seek the love within yourself – that love which you desire from another?” – GH

Another theory I have, is when you settle, you’re working so hard at seeking acceptance from another person, that you will do almost anything to attain it, like compromise your values and requirements that are essential for a healthy relationship, but in reality, you’re really trying to accept yourself – for who you are -you just don’t know it yet.

Take a moment, clear some space in your day, sit down and start getting curious about where you might be settling in your life? Does your job’s salary not match your talents and dedication? Does your boyfriend play around with other men; you’re accepting of it, when deep down inside, it’s not ok. Are you putting off starting your own business, because you think it’s just a pipe dream and you’ll never do it for whatever reason?

5 Clues To Why You Are Settling

Now it’s time to take a stance, and tell yourself that you are done settling; all done. I believe in you. Well, let me give you 5 Clues to Why You’re Settling. They will help you recognize when it’s happening, so you can say, I’m Done!

1. You’ve claimed the, “I’m always meeting the wrong guy”, Ticket. Actually, you meet so many “wrong guys” that, from here on out you will continue to do so until you start recognizing what is so off about the men you meet. Importantly, what’s going on in yourself to attract men, who are not up to your standards?

After all, we attract who we are.

2.You’ve designed the perfect man (in your head) and when you go out and try to find him, you blame the world that there aren’t any good men left. Guys, let’s face it. We’re guys and for the most part, when we envision the man we want to spend our days with, we can go little above and beyond what’s truly realistic.

Take a deep and close look at the man of your dreams and check in to see if it’s based on reality or a yearning or an feeling of emptiness.

3.You’re not over your last relationship. So, you’re with someone new and you thought you’ve found Mr. Right again, but after some time, you start comparing it to your last relationship, because you believed he was your one true love. Your current partner is sensing that and is starting to pull away from you, because he sees you are not in it 100%. Just know you can fall in love many times over. Each time is true and first. Stop settling by believing that you will never find true love again…you will.

4. I’m moody and that’s just the way I am. Well, how many guys have been put off by your mood swings? Remember, you are not your moods and you might want to do some self-reflecting to begin to understand why it is you’re so hostile. Stop settling, by not living your life in anger and pain and start releasing whatever emotional turmoil you are going through. You and everyone around you will love you for it.

5. You haven’t loved the wounded little boy enough. Do you cringe when you think about being around other gay guys? You walk you walk into a room filled with gay men, and you panic and become anxious. There is a reason for that, and it has nothing to do with the men in that room. It has to do with you. Once you start forming a bond with that hurt little boy inside you and start asking him what he needs, your confidence will soar.

That’s why single gay men come to me, because they are ready to commit to NOT settling anymore in any area of their lives, especially LOVE. Love is a gift, a gift we all hold, and once you can let go of the settling, you will then be able to unleash your love and be loved in return.

Greg Halpen, The Gay Guy’s Love Coach, is a recognized speaker, mentor and expert dating coach for single gay men. He takes a “heart-based” approach to teaching single gay men how to build unstoppable confidence, meet and approach men and importantly, build a strong connection with their one TRUE love…THEMSELVES.

Pass it on: Know someone who could benefit from this article or his FREE weekly Naked Truth About Dating Podcast, Newsletter and Special report? http://www.TheGayGuysLovecoach.com

I have a feeling that you’re one of the most loving and giving guys someone could ever meet.

Perhaps, being a single gay man comes with a lot of stress and anxiety. You might worry that you will never meet someone and that being alone is the most painful feeling ever.

My Spidey senses are telling me, that you want more when it comes to love. You’re just longing to fall in love, care for your man, express your deep affection, and build a terrific life together. However, your integrity around dating might be a little shaky.

So, what gives?

Speaking of Spidey senses, I want to share a little life experience with you and maybe you can relate or maybe you can’t, but if you open up your heart, you will notice the lesson in it.

Along with coaching single gay men (and now coupled), I also volunteer working with little kids a few times a week and I keenly notice how they problem solve. It’s actually very fascinating.

Without too many mind-filters, they stay with the challenge until the challenge is solved and usually with joy and determination. If they’re REALLY struggling with a conflict, they seem to move on from it with lightening speed and then forget it ever happened. Point is, they don’t judge it and they never give up.

They are geniuses, mini-brilliant problem solvers and perhaps, somewhere along the line, you’ve lost touch with that part of yourself – your little inner genius and simply gave up trying to attain that amazing love life. You see, your dating integrity is what’s going to help you stick by your values and requirements. It’s the very thread that supports how confident and grounded you are.

When the Connection Has a Glitch!

One client, who has been partnered for five years, decided to go the route of “open” relationship – his justification? Sex drive lessens the longer you stay together and they want that consistent sex. Not only that, they have a set of strict rules they follow when they each meet someone they’re having sex with. The rules are put in place, so it doesn’t go deeper than just sex.

This sounds complicated PLUS adding more opportunities for unnecessary conflict, when the couple at hand can solve the sex dilemma themselves. Make sense? Also, I wont really say it here, but they are suffering in love big time with some of their life style choices. The truth is, sexual energy with your partner will change, because the relationship changes and undergoes many stages of growth.  Actually, your sexual relationship with your partner can evolve if you know what to do.

He was actually relieved when we spoke about this, because deep down inside, he really didn’t want an open relationship and thought their was no other alternative. Today, with my help, they are exploring different ways to spice up their love life while keeping the integrity of their relationship strong.

Get The Love Ball Rolling.

Speaking of INTEGRITY, 2010 is fast approaching. What are you willing do differently in your life TODAY to change the outcomes of your dating and love efforts? I mean something HUGE, that never seems to gets past the thought process. Which means you think about it, but never put it into action.

Maybe you want to get out in the dating world more and go on fearless dates. That means being present and open to what ever possibilities might show up for you. Also, it might mean exploring different ways to meet men, like, getting involved with local gay organizations, volunteering or simply striking up a conversation with someone who catches your eye.

If You Take Small Bites You Wont Get as Full.

No matter how you slice it, Make 2010 the year you changed things in your life that needed change – like Dating Integrity. Some of my single clients are taking their “bull” by the horns and making some huge leaps in what they want to do differently for 2010. I mean, HUGE! One client is leaving his J-O-B to go into web design business for himself. He wants to step up his dating integrity by making one of his dreams come true by not working for someone else. ever again.

In a last session, a client discovered why he was settling in love and decided that he wasn’t going to hide anymore behind his limiting beliefs about being gay, and is putting himself out there in ways, that would usually paralyze him. It all had to do with a decision he forgot he made when he was a kid. A decision that stemmed from a tragic moment in his young life.

He’s doing INCREDIBLE things now!

Need help clarifying what it is YOU want to attract next year? Your love life, for starters, might need some major attention and the only way you’ll make huge leaps is to pay attention to the areas of your life that aren’t working anymore. For more information about the course that is changing the lives of many a single gay guy, go here Bootcamps. Next Bootcamp Starts January 23rd and just for signing up I will give you a complimentary Dating Integrity Session.
Remember, dating integrity starts with YOU!

Greg Halpen

Hey, guys, this is Greg Halpen from TheGayGuysLoveCoach.com and welcome to the Naked Truth About Dating – this is undoubtedly the most progressive podcast on dating advice for single gay men, that you’ll ever listen too. (You can skip to the bottom to listen to the Podcast)

You know, dates, especially the first few can be pretty daunting. You arrive nervous and anxious and feeling like you have been put under the microscope for scrutinizing.

You’re like, “OMG, I can’t believe I’m doing this – I’m, I’m sharing myself with another human being – Head Talk – Head Talk -  Head Talk!”

There’s something about feeling like we’re being judged or possibly rejected, that keeps us from being in the moment and enjoying all that’s present.

As if this unknown force has taken over your ability to communicate freely and have fun and mostly, guys, listening to your intuition….

Here are a few cool secrets, that I use and my clients use to help them have the best dating experience ever.

1. Ok, first – Don’t make the first, 2nd , 3rd,  dates such a drawn out event.  Make the first few dates light;  Maybe by agreeing that it will be a coffee or a dessert date.

Baby steps guys – Keep it short and simple and initiate your exit in a calm and direct way. Often times guys make the first date really long and intense.

Dating is about exploring each other’s worlds. This will show green flags of independence and individuality on your part.

2. Hopefully beforehand you know a little about the guy you are dating or going on the date with. Take the attention of yourself by being genuinely interested in something he does in life.

3. and don’t forget to breathe…stay in tune to your breathing.

4. Your Gut is telling you something and maybe you wont know until after the first few dates, but your heart is letting you know whether or not he’s a match for you – but I want to warn you that your HEAD will also try and get in there and tell you differently.

5. Stay out of your head. I know your thoughts are running 500 hundred miles a minute – everything from what happened when you were 10 years old, what you had for dinner the night before to how much you are judging the very words you are saying.

Well, guys, thanks for listening ad Happy Thanksgiving!

The Past is History, The Future is a Mystery and The present is a Gift!

Listen here:

Until next time…

Your friend,

Greg Halpen