I recently spoke with a guy who claims that finding love is too hard, and with a *sigh*, he said, “I’ll have to resort to escorts.

Personally, I believe you know. You know what your options are. I really think you believe in the fairytale ending too, but somewhere along the trip you’ve squashed the dream way down underneath all your pain. Sometimes you even get a glimpse of what it might look like being with a wonderful man, expressing your love, in a committed monogamous relationship, right?

Why do we settle? Well, my idea is, you settle, because you view yourself as not being good enough. Your self-esteem is low and you’ll do whatever it takes to seek the love that you desire. Now, think about this. What if I said that your self-esteem is actually very strong and all you need to do is look within and tap into that resource? I know, I’m starting to sound all woo-woo, but my point is, finding love with another person starts when you find love with in yourself.

“Would you do whatever it took to seek the love within yourself – that love which you desire from another?” – GH

Another theory I have, is when you settle, you’re working so hard at seeking acceptance from another person, that you will do almost anything to attain it, like compromise your values and requirements that are essential for a healthy relationship, but in reality, you’re really trying to accept yourself – for who you are -you just don’t know it yet.

Take a moment, clear some space in your day, sit down and start getting curious about where you might be settling in your life? Does your job’s salary not match your talents and dedication? Does your boyfriend play around with other men; you’re accepting of it, when deep down inside, it’s not ok. Are you putting off starting your own business, because you think it’s just a pipe dream and you’ll never do it for whatever reason?

5 Clues To Why You Are Settling

Now it’s time to take a stance, and tell yourself that you are done settling; all done. I believe in you. Well, let me give you 5 Clues to Why You’re Settling. They will help you recognize when it’s happening, so you can say, I’m Done!

1. You’ve claimed the, “I’m always meeting the wrong guy”, Ticket. Actually, you meet so many “wrong guys” that, from here on out you will continue to do so until you start recognizing what is so off about the men you meet. Importantly, what’s going on in yourself to attract men, who are not up to your standards?

After all, we attract who we are.

2.You’ve designed the perfect man (in your head) and when you go out and try to find him, you blame the world that there aren’t any good men left. Guys, let’s face it. We’re guys and for the most part, when we envision the man we want to spend our days with, we can go little above and beyond what’s truly realistic.

Take a deep and close look at the man of your dreams and check in to see if it’s based on reality or a yearning or an feeling of emptiness.

3.You’re not over your last relationship. So, you’re with someone new and you thought you’ve found Mr. Right again, but after some time, you start comparing it to your last relationship, because you believed he was your one true love. Your current partner is sensing that and is starting to pull away from you, because he sees you are not in it 100%. Just know you can fall in love many times over. Each time is true and first. Stop settling by believing that you will never find true love again…you will.

4. I’m moody and that’s just the way I am. Well, how many guys have been put off by your mood swings? Remember, you are not your moods and you might want to do some self-reflecting to begin to understand why it is you’re so hostile. Stop settling, by not living your life in anger and pain and start releasing whatever emotional turmoil you are going through. You and everyone around you will love you for it.

5. You haven’t loved the wounded little boy enough. Do you cringe when you think about being around other gay guys? You walk you walk into a room filled with gay men, and you panic and become anxious. There is a reason for that, and it has nothing to do with the men in that room. It has to do with you. Once you start forming a bond with that hurt little boy inside you and start asking him what he needs, your confidence will soar.

That’s why single gay men come to me, because they are ready to commit to NOT settling anymore in any area of their lives, especially LOVE. Love is a gift, a gift we all hold, and once you can let go of the settling, you will then be able to unleash your love and be loved in return.

Greg Halpen, The Gay Guy’s Love Coach, is a recognized speaker, mentor and expert dating coach for single gay men. He takes a “heart-based” approach to teaching single gay men how to build unstoppable confidence, meet and approach men and importantly, build a strong connection with their one TRUE love…THEMSELVES.

Pass it on: Know someone who could benefit from this article or his FREE weekly Naked Truth About Dating Podcast, Newsletter and Special report? http://www.TheGayGuysLovecoach.com

It’s quite real that dating can be a scary experience. After all, you’re putting yourself out there; you’re being vulnerable and setting yourself up for possible rejection – so, why are you taking the fast track approach to being in a relationship?  Well, my gut instinct is telling me all of this can be avoided if one simply gets smart about dating.
The bottom line:  If you take your time, do the groundwork and be aware of that part of you that wants to have everything right NOW, you are likely to avoid the heartache.

What are you willing to do to ensure that your love life takes the front seat? Are you finally ready to acknowledge that part of you, deep down inside, that desires a loving, meaningful relationship? After all, you do have so much to offer, right? To get you started, I’ve compiled a list of 7 Reasons why you need to be paying attention to so that you can turn your love life around.

Helpful Reason #1: You don’t do the groundwork. After just a few dates, you’ve already made the decision that he’s the right guy for you. Hang on! This is your life we’re talking about. Dating is about being smart, gathering information, exploring each others’ world and defining what the relationship means to you.

Helpful Reason #2: You spend way too much time on the first, second and even third date. As the old saying goes, “Less is more.” Keep the meeting short and sweet. However, do be observant and present to the occasion; tune into him and your feelings. Remember, this is the first impression he’ll get of you.

Helpful Reason #3: You approach dating with a lot of desperation. Gosh, we all want to love and be loved, but you may not have grasped the true value in being a successful single yet. You may not have taken care of the important areas of your life; emotional, financial, spiritual and supportive, so you can date with confidence and freedom.

Helpful Reason #4: You don’t know how to be yourself. In business and your career you may be at the top of your game, but for some strange reason when it comes to matters of the heart, you become paralyzed. Being social is something that might be a challenge for you. You might even believe that if you were to be the real you, you might scare him off. Is that really true and how do you know that to be true? Remember, there is something about being vulnerable with another person that makes you very attractive.

Helpful Reason #5: You can’t wait to have sex. The connection is right and the sexual attraction is on high. You think if you connect sexually, that means you are right for each other in terms of a committed relationship. Well, the fact is, sex and sexual attraction is only a small part of the relationship equation. Having sex too soon can cloud your judgment.

Helpful Reason #6: Your standards are too high. Relax on this one. Someone recently told me that he’s been single for 10 years and refuses to date due to not being able to meet someone who can meet his high standards. Those were his words exactly. It’s perfectly fine to have standards, in fact, I recommend having standards – IF they are realistic and based on your core values?

Helpful Reason #7: You forget to have fun. This one really sums it up. Have fun, keep it simple and smile.

So, it’s time to take these helpful reasons and start building that confidence that you already have to meet your Mr. Right. If you do the groundwork, build a solid foundation by knowing who you are, what you want in an ideal partner and relationship and how to get there, not only will you experience an amazing feeling of freedom around everything that happens in your life you will stand up and notice all of the amazing guys you come in contact with everyday.