I needed to pump up my life, my coaching and my business in a uniquely profound way. I mean,
my life is pretty darn amazing, I have to admit. I wake up EVERY morning with the zest of life, ready to face what the day has in store with me.

I walk throughout my day with an air of freedom and confidence that totally blows ME away. I’m dating some really amazing men who fit the vision I have created for my ideal Mr. Right! It’s happening.

So guys, as you begin the New Year in your love life, do you have a theme or a direction
for your life planned out? I’ve decided to do this annually and it makes a huge difference in my own life focus and with the clients that I work with.

This year, is the year of Profound Visibility.

One thing I know about myself is, that, I was a person who hid a lot. No matter what I thought I was doing in my life to shine and that even includes the men I’ve taught along the way, I was still hiding.

Then I realized something quite chilling. Guys, if I want to make important positive differences in the lives of more single gay men, and really, the world – I mean in a profound way, I needed to really look at where was hiding in my life.

Well, to give you an example of what I mean, here are some ways I’m increasing my Profound Visibility.

1. I am coming out of the closet as a Zen practitioner. For some reason, somewhere in my sometimes thinking monkey mind,  I created the belief that my subscribers would unsubscribe and  clients would run for the hills if I infused my Zen work into the  ‘single gay guy’ work that I do. I found it’s the total opposite reaction. In fact, most guys are drawn to this kind of work.

So, suffice it to say I will be mixing in Zen lessons into the work that I do; a more modern approach, that’s fun and exciting.

2. I am ditching the podcast, for now, and will do special Life Shift Videos and what that means is, I will produce short  videos teaching you exactly what you can do make HUGE profound shifts in your thinking and belief systems around love.

3. Collaborate with some of the top experts in the field of dating, relationships, healing and Zen. I want to unveil my heart and open up to more people who have already made amazing positive differences in the world.  I want to reach in and help them spread their amazing life’s work.

4. Kicking up my spiritual practicing by becoming a student of Zen in Syracuse, NY. There is a beautiful Zendo in the small city I live in. I’ve already been in contact with the Roshi there,  and it looks like I will be starting soon. I’m pretty excited!

5. The ever so brilliant speaker within. I am launching my speaker self out into the world. I must be totally honest with you and humbly say that even though the men I work with one-to-one rant and rave about my teachings, getting up in front of hundreds of guys kinda pulls at my anxiety strings. But like the force that I am, I’m always willing to take on and master a new challenge.

Those are some of the ways that I am stepping out into the light to allow who I am to be visible.

Most importantly, as the year progresses, I will be making some amazing changes to the structure of my coaching practice and  programs, so you will be able to interact more with the website.

The Gay Guy’s Love Coach Bottom Line: 2010 is my year of Profound Visibility and I am committed to stepping out on the front line to help my subscribers and clients thrive, not only in LOVE, but in LIFE!

What are YOU going to do to become more visible in the world and importantly in the world of LOVE?

Until next time…

All the best for Profound Visibility in 2010!

Your friend,

Greg Halpen
www.TheGayGuysLoveCoach.com

]]> http://www.thegayguyslovecoach.com/home/2010/01/2010-the-year-of-profound-visibility/feed/ 11 http://www.thegayguyslovecoach.com/home/2010/01/5-clues-to-why-you-are-settling-when-it-comes-to-love/ http://www.thegayguyslovecoach.com/home/2010/01/5-clues-to-why-you-are-settling-when-it-comes-to-love/#comments Wed, 06 Jan 2010 14:44:29 +0000 coachgreg38 http://www.thegayguyslovecoach.com/home/?p=973 I recently spoke with a guy who claims that finding love is too hard, and with a *sigh*, he said, “I’ll have to resort to escorts.” Now, he was joking about the escort, but still….that is an example of what some gay men are experiencing when it comes to falling in love – and I think sometimes it takes extreme change and awareness to finally get to the point where settling isn’t a choice anymore.

Personally, I believe you know. You know what your options are. I really think you believe in the fairytale ending too, but somewhere along the trip you’ve squashed the dream way down underneath all your pain. Sometimes you even get a glimpse of what it might look like being with a wonderful man, expressing your love, in a committed monogamous relationship, right?

Why do we settle? Well, my idea is, you settle, because you view yourself as not being good enough. Your self-esteem is low and you’ll do whatever it takes to seek the love that you desire. Now, think about this. What if I said that your self-esteem is actually very strong and all you need to do is look within and tap into that resource? I know, I’m starting to sound all woo-woo, but my point is, finding love with another person starts when you find love with in yourself.

“Would you do whatever it took to seek the love within yourself – that love which you desire from another?” – GH

Another theory I have, is when you settle, you’re working so hard at seeking acceptance from another person, that you will do almost anything to attain it, like compromise your values and requirements that are essential for a healthy relationship, but in reality, you’re really trying to accept yourself – for who you are -you just don’t know it yet.

Take a moment, clear some space in your day, sit down and start getting curious about where you might be settling in your life? Does your job’s salary not match your talents and dedication? Does your boyfriend play around with other men; you’re accepting of it, when deep down inside, it’s not ok. Are you putting off starting your own business, because you think it’s just a pipe dream and you’ll never do it for whatever reason?

5 Clues To Why You Are Settling

Now it’s time to take a stance, and tell yourself that you are done settling; all done. I believe in you. Well, let me give you 5 Clues to Why You’re Settling. They will help you recognize when it’s happening, so you can say, I’m Done!

1. You’ve claimed the, “I’m always meeting the wrong guy”, Ticket. Actually, you meet so many “wrong guys” that, from here on out you will continue to do so until you start recognizing what is so off about the men you meet. Importantly, what’s going on in yourself to attract men, who are not up to your standards?

After all, we attract who we are.

2.You’ve designed the perfect man (in your head) and when you go out and try to find him, you blame the world that there aren’t any good men left. Guys, let’s face it. We’re guys and for the most part, when we envision the man we want to spend our days with, we can go little above and beyond what’s truly realistic.

Take a deep and close look at the man of your dreams and check in to see if it’s based on reality or a yearning or an feeling of emptiness.

3.You’re not over your last relationship. So, you’re with someone new and you thought you’ve found Mr. Right again, but after some time, you start comparing it to your last relationship, because you believed he was your one true love. Your current partner is sensing that and is starting to pull away from you, because he sees you are not in it 100%. Just know you can fall in love many times over. Each time is true and first. Stop settling by believing that you will never find true love again…you will.

4. I’m moody and that’s just the way I am. Well, how many guys have been put off by your mood swings? Remember, you are not your moods and you might want to do some self-reflecting to begin to understand why it is you’re so hostile. Stop settling, by not living your life in anger and pain and start releasing whatever emotional turmoil you are going through. You and everyone around you will love you for it.

5. You haven’t loved the wounded little boy enough. Do you cringe when you think about being around other gay guys? You walk you walk into a room filled with gay men, and you panic and become anxious. There is a reason for that, and it has nothing to do with the men in that room. It has to do with you. Once you start forming a bond with that hurt little boy inside you and start asking him what he needs, your confidence will soar.

That’s why single gay men come to me, because they are ready to commit to NOT settling anymore in any area of their lives, especially LOVE. Love is a gift, a gift we all hold, and once you can let go of the settling, you will then be able to unleash your love and be loved in return.

Greg Halpen, The Gay Guy’s Love Coach, is a recognized speaker, mentor and expert dating coach for single gay men. He takes a “heart-based” approach to teaching single gay men how to build unstoppable confidence, meet and approach men and importantly, build a strong connection with their one TRUE love…THEMSELVES.

Pass it on: Know someone who could benefit from this article or his FREE weekly Naked Truth About Dating Podcast, Newsletter and Special report? http://www.TheGayGuysLovecoach.com

I have a feeling that you’re one of the most loving and giving guys someone could ever meet.

Perhaps, being a single gay man comes with a lot of stress and anxiety. You might worry that you will never meet someone and that being alone is the most painful feeling ever.

My Spidey senses are telling me, that you want more when it comes to love. You’re just longing to fall in love, care for your man, express your deep affection, and build a terrific life together. However, your integrity around dating might be a little shaky.

So, what gives?

Speaking of Spidey senses, I want to share a little life experience with you and maybe you can relate or maybe you can’t, but if you open up your heart, you will notice the lesson in it.

Along with coaching single gay men (and now coupled), I also volunteer working with little kids a few times a week and I keenly notice how they problem solve. It’s actually very fascinating.

Without too many mind-filters, they stay with the challenge until the challenge is solved and usually with joy and determination. If they’re REALLY struggling with a conflict, they seem to move on from it with lightening speed and then forget it ever happened. Point is, they don’t judge it and they never give up.

They are geniuses, mini-brilliant problem solvers and perhaps, somewhere along the line, you’ve lost touch with that part of yourself – your little inner genius and simply gave up trying to attain that amazing love life. You see, your dating integrity is what’s going to help you stick by your values and requirements. It’s the very thread that supports how confident and grounded you are.

When the Connection Has a Glitch!

One client, who has been partnered for five years, decided to go the route of “open” relationship – his justification? Sex drive lessens the longer you stay together and they want that consistent sex. Not only that, they have a set of strict rules they follow when they each meet someone they’re having sex with. The rules are put in place, so it doesn’t go deeper than just sex.

This sounds complicated PLUS adding more opportunities for unnecessary conflict, when the couple at hand can solve the sex dilemma themselves. Make sense? Also, I wont really say it here, but they are suffering in love big time with some of their life style choices. The truth is, sexual energy with your partner will change, because the relationship changes and undergoes many stages of growth.  Actually, your sexual relationship with your partner can evolve if you know what to do.

He was actually relieved when we spoke about this, because deep down inside, he really didn’t want an open relationship and thought their was no other alternative. Today, with my help, they are exploring different ways to spice up their love life while keeping the integrity of their relationship strong.

Get The Love Ball Rolling.

Speaking of INTEGRITY, 2010 is fast approaching. What are you willing do differently in your life TODAY to change the outcomes of your dating and love efforts? I mean something HUGE, that never seems to gets past the thought process. Which means you think about it, but never put it into action.

Maybe you want to get out in the dating world more and go on fearless dates. That means being present and open to what ever possibilities might show up for you. Also, it might mean exploring different ways to meet men, like, getting involved with local gay organizations, volunteering or simply striking up a conversation with someone who catches your eye.

If You Take Small Bites You Wont Get as Full.

No matter how you slice it, Make 2010 the year you changed things in your life that needed change – like Dating Integrity. Some of my single clients are taking their “bull” by the horns and making some huge leaps in what they want to do differently for 2010. I mean, HUGE! One client is leaving his J-O-B to go into web design business for himself. He wants to step up his dating integrity by making one of his dreams come true by not working for someone else. ever again.

In a last session, a client discovered why he was settling in love and decided that he wasn’t going to hide anymore behind his limiting beliefs about being gay, and is putting himself out there in ways, that would usually paralyze him. It all had to do with a decision he forgot he made when he was a kid. A decision that stemmed from a tragic moment in his young life.

He’s doing INCREDIBLE things now!

Need help clarifying what it is YOU want to attract next year? Your love life, for starters, might need some major attention and the only way you’ll make huge leaps is to pay attention to the areas of your life that aren’t working anymore. For more information about the course that is changing the lives of many a single gay guy, go here Bootcamps. Next Bootcamp Starts January 23rd and just for signing up I will give you a complimentary Dating Integrity Session.
Remember, dating integrity starts with YOU!

Greg Halpen

It’s quite real that dating can be a scary experience. After all, you’re putting yourself out there; you’re being vulnerable and setting yourself up for possible rejection – so, why are you taking the fast track approach to being in a relationship?  Well, my gut instinct is telling me all of this can be avoided if one simply gets smart about dating.
The bottom line:  If you take your time, do the groundwork and be aware of that part of you that wants to have everything right NOW, you are likely to avoid the heartache.

What are you willing to do to ensure that your love life takes the front seat? Are you finally ready to acknowledge that part of you, deep down inside, that desires a loving, meaningful relationship? After all, you do have so much to offer, right? To get you started, I’ve compiled a list of 7 Reasons why you need to be paying attention to so that you can turn your love life around.

Helpful Reason #1: You don’t do the groundwork. After just a few dates, you’ve already made the decision that he’s the right guy for you. Hang on! This is your life we’re talking about. Dating is about being smart, gathering information, exploring each others’ world and defining what the relationship means to you.

Helpful Reason #2: You spend way too much time on the first, second and even third date. As the old saying goes, “Less is more.” Keep the meeting short and sweet. However, do be observant and present to the occasion; tune into him and your feelings. Remember, this is the first impression he’ll get of you.

Helpful Reason #3: You approach dating with a lot of desperation. Gosh, we all want to love and be loved, but you may not have grasped the true value in being a successful single yet. You may not have taken care of the important areas of your life; emotional, financial, spiritual and supportive, so you can date with confidence and freedom.

Helpful Reason #4: You don’t know how to be yourself. In business and your career you may be at the top of your game, but for some strange reason when it comes to matters of the heart, you become paralyzed. Being social is something that might be a challenge for you. You might even believe that if you were to be the real you, you might scare him off. Is that really true and how do you know that to be true? Remember, there is something about being vulnerable with another person that makes you very attractive.

Helpful Reason #5: You can’t wait to have sex. The connection is right and the sexual attraction is on high. You think if you connect sexually, that means you are right for each other in terms of a committed relationship. Well, the fact is, sex and sexual attraction is only a small part of the relationship equation. Having sex too soon can cloud your judgment.

Helpful Reason #6: Your standards are too high. Relax on this one. Someone recently told me that he’s been single for 10 years and refuses to date due to not being able to meet someone who can meet his high standards. Those were his words exactly. It’s perfectly fine to have standards, in fact, I recommend having standards – IF they are realistic and based on your core values?

Helpful Reason #7: You forget to have fun. This one really sums it up. Have fun, keep it simple and smile.

So, it’s time to take these helpful reasons and start building that confidence that you already have to meet your Mr. Right. If you do the groundwork, build a solid foundation by knowing who you are, what you want in an ideal partner and relationship and how to get there, not only will you experience an amazing feeling of freedom around everything that happens in your life you will stand up and notice all of the amazing guys you come in contact with everyday.